hush my darling, don't fear my darling

You probably won't laugh at anything I say in this post. Not like you ever do. But this time you fo sho won't. And that's really okay. Also, I just figured out how to edit my text in posts instead of by html. Best day of my life? Yup. Am I an idiot for taking this long to figure it out? Doyaduh.

Have I burst into tears many times at random places (while doing laundry, brushing my teeth, walking home from school, driving, after watching A More Perfect Union on my couch) in the past few weeks because I don't know what I'm doing with my life? Am I really admitting that on my public blog? Done and done. This is my blog and I'll do as I please, thankyouverymuch. I'm an emotional girl and I'm 100% okay with that.

I am graduating college in a month and I don't have a plan. Besides going to Mexico for the summer, nothing else is decided. I am a planner. I loveeeeee to plan things more than I love froyo, and that's a whole lot. If I could be a professional wedding/event planner for the rest of my life then I would be quite happy. But alas, that is not my calling in life. So not knowing what will happen once I leave this bubble college town of Provo scares me to death. I don't want to grow up yet. I can't focus on basic GE classes and I certainly can't focus on studying for the GRE, so thinking about my grad school applications for next year stresses me out to the high heavens.

But despite all these major life decisions, I know that I have the best parents [and Heavenly parents] in the whole universe and they love me no matter what. Tonight I Skyped with these cool cats and they made me feel a trillion times better about life. And I needed to tell the world. And I just gotta say that Heavenly Father sure knows how to answer prayers. He's the coolest cat of them all. (Can I say that about Him?!) I love Him and I love my eternal family.

(Judd Family. Christmas 2006)

I forgot I never showed Corrine Collins my favorite Christmas gift this year which happens to pertain perfectly to this post. My bro Jacob took a still shot from a very old home video of my dad holding me as an infant, dancing and lip synching in front of a camera to the song "The Lion Sleeps Tonight". Remember it's the 80's whilst judging his outfit. Jake added a few lyrics to the print, had it framed, filmed my tender reaction on Christmas morning and voilà! Here it is:

So as that precious gift hangs on the wall in front of my bed, I am constantly reminded of his love for me as his oldest daughter. I find comfort in those lyrics and this song will always have a special place in my heart. And can I just say that I am beyond excited that I get to drive home to Texas with mi padre after graduation? It'll be just he and I and boy oh boy it will be a memorable experience indeed.

And just to get a little churchy on you I must say that I am also reminded of the love my Heavenly Father has for me when I read a different kind of lyrics in Proverbs 3:5-6.

Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct thy paths.

And when all else fails, I listen to this song on repeat 108 times because it sure does calm my troubled mind. It's beautiful and I could listen alll day longgggg. Already listened to it like 7 time while writing this post. It's fine. NBD

So there you have it. A tender post about the tender issues of my life. Now go get a tissue and don't stop reading. I'm sure I'll have something funnier and more light-hearted to write about tomorrow.

xoxo